Living in Gran Canaria, I discovered many funny things. First of all, the 10 requirements that you need to meet in order to be considered a Canarian -or at least a Canarian from Gran Canaria- (just like you can’t be American if you don’t like hamburgers):
1) It’s guagua, not autobús. You can be a linguist, a lover of the authentic Spanish, someone who has lived abroad all his life, but if you come from the Canary Islands there’s no autobús for you. It’s guagua, guagua, guagua. Yeah, like if you were trying to say ‘aqua‘ while eating twenty hotdogs. You’ll probably end up laughing, and they don’t like it. So watch out.
2) You must like papas arrugadas*. If you have a cocktail with tapas, this is the only one allowed. Papas arrugadas only, along with mojo picón (red sauce) and mojo verde (green sauce), which are typical Canarian sauces. If you are smart, you must have already understood that if you don’t want to cry over something extremely spicy, you have to avoid mojo picón. I was literally humiliated by a 4 year-old who was eating papas and mojo picón as if it were candy. You can imagine..
3) If you are from Gran Canaria, you must hate Tenerife’s soccer team. If you are from Tenerife, you must hate Gran Canaria’s soccer team. It’s just like Italy’s “derby” (soccer games between two teams of the same city or region), the only difference being: they take it
4)You must know how to swim. Kids get thrown in the water basically as soon as they are born, so you won’t find a person in the Canary Island who doesn’t know how to swim. They always enjoy doing it, either in the sea or in a pool (and they do it right!)
5) You wish for the Canary Islands to be independent. You can put on a façade and pretend you like being a part of Spain, but if you are Canarian you actually want to be independent. Because Spain, its economy and its politics ruin your archipelago that could easily survive on tourism! Freaking robbers!
6) You eat more fruit than a castaway on a desert island. Papaya and banana all day long.
7) You have the weird habit of not putting salt on anything. Never. Basically you make others eat the real nothing.
8) You are so used to have Germans around that you almost can’t recognize Spanish and German when someone talks.
9) You wear a winter coat with 18°C (64 F)
10) The S ending a word must be aspirated, my dear! ADIÓH AMIGOH!